There’s always a certain ‘foreigner’s’ perspective when trying to write about yourself. What parts are important to me? What parts are important to potential collaborators and or supporters? Is it really even necessary to share one’s story or can the work speak for itself? These are always the questions I return to every time I take another stab at this.
For now, a single page at the bottom of my website seems like a solid iteration. Something for some people and nothing for others. I promise I’ll only share what is true of my senses & I’ll try my best to make it halfway interesting.
Origin
I’m a millennial. I can’t give my exact year of birth as age is one of those things that you never win in telling a stranger. If I’m 40 the youth will tune me out for being a boomer. If I’m 25 the elders will tune me out for being a child. It’s best to let my words and experience be the judgement stick here. I wish to create with people of all ages.
Like most millennials I come from a broken home. A storybook divorce court scenario. Extreme hatred, conniving, backstabbing, deceit, the whole gambit at play. I was a nice little volleyball that got bounced back and forth as two adults immaturely worked out their heartbreak.
I’m an only child. So it was all eyez on me ;)
There was plenty of fun times too, I don’t wish to make this some sob story. But childhood was tough. I was raped at a sleepover when me and my mother moved to a different state. And I’m sure you can guess with context, we didn’t go to therapy or talk it out back then. I sat on that trauma for decades before I did anything with it.
So my origin story can be best ‘cinematized’ as Bane in that dark cavern.
Lots of struggle. Single mom and only child; far away from the rest of the family. It probably explains why some people call me insensitive, but I swear I do care - I just prefer action.
Pivot Points
Being the first generation to grow up alongside the internet + having tons of alone time = an infinite sand box to play in.
Outside life was tough as I mentioned so I chose to play inside my own imagination most of the time. Lucky for me it looks to have ended up working out.
Fast forwarding through the chronic depression, panic attacks, drug addiction, self harm, & chasms in family relationships… my first real pivot point in life came from Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It was the first time I ever heard someone explain the benefits of being present and the afflictions of not doing so. I was hooked immediately, channeled all of my obsessive tendencies into mindfulness practices and started to heal. I went on to stoicism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Taoism, esotericism, and any other spiritual philosophy I could find. There are a lot of overlaps I will add.
After that it was psychedelics. I had a few trips that were life altering. Phrases like “everything is important but none of it matters” & “are we making music or just strumming away on silent keys” still provide me with clear direction years later. Empathy, something I had foregone in my darkest days had returned to my heart. And freedom… real inner freedom was felt for the first times in my entire life.
In that revolution I became an artist. A word I’m not a fan of truly, but I don’t have a better one at present. I also began one of the most bizarre frenzies of worldly travel I have ever seen or heard of honestly. I went from never leaving the country to traveling to four continents and nearly 20 different countries throughout the span of three yrs.
It was a time period of exploring both the inside and outside reality simultaneously. I have no words to properly describe what those yrs, directly following decades of hell, did for me.
Some of the most memorable:
Now
Fast forward again through a couple relapses into dark times & then subsequent rebirths… I find myself moved back into my parents (both remarried) basement due to losing my job at the start of COVID. I had been trying for years on the side to become a full time creative, and being forced to sit at a computer with an unemployment check coming was an opportunity I knew I couldn’t let slip by.
I became a student of the exemplary Jack Butcher a little bit before this and was deep into Money Twitter trying to become a designer & copywriter. He started asking about NFTs and so naturally I followed suit. Those questions led me to writing this post (how fucking weird).
I launched my own cryptoart protocol (here).
I’m working on a memeware design project (here).
I have >100 collectors of my art now (some here).
I work for myself. I create what I want & work with those I want to work with. I am healthy and living the dream. It is amazing how far I’ve come truly.
Next
It’s simple really. I’m currently:
- building out Abstraverse & AV ecosystem
- building out Memeware public project
- developing PRIMES for post AV
- learning how to code front end & then solidity
After writing I can see this post is something that I needed, whether you ended up getting this far or not. Something in me needed a reminder of how good it is now compared to before. So thanks for reading this anon. I’ve got work to do.